I Know What He'll Is

Today, the world fell in.  Accused of being a liar. Being verbally abused, berated, threatened and called horrible things in front of my grandchildren- HOW DARE THEY!!!  I have given everything to them. I have done without, lost my treasures, ruined my reputation, my dignity.  I have lived for those kids. And, I have put up with the abuse, so they would be safe. This is a travesty!  

BLAME

"It's your fault! You wanted control, now you have it! "  How can your own grown child say that?!  Control?!  I am unemployed right now.  But, I have worked two jobs to keep you.  I have given up my life to keep you. I never take for me.  You work! He works!  And, you feel justified NOT to bear any responsibility in this.  They are YOUR children. Yet, you feel no responsibility to keep them safe in a real home. No BLAME! Blame me.  Because you feel better that way.  You are wrong!  Grow up! 

Quiet House:Exploding Mind

The house is quiet. I am alone. But, my mind is blowing up and I can hear my heart shattering.  How can this happen?  WHY??!!! 

TWO DAYS- that's all.  I need to find strength. The kind dad always had. He would not let this happen.  He would know what to do. 

I feel like a bad person- I must be, for God to be punishing me so.  But, I don't feel bad. Flawed, yes. But, good and giving. Always ready to help someone. Why, God? 

Today I Begin My Story

I need to write a book. But, right now, I have no energy. So, I will document my thoughts and experiences here and it will evolve.